Some guarantees that I will not read a novel:
1. If it promises to alter, enhance or change my life.
2. If it is described as: comic, funny or will make me laugh out loud.
3. If it has a dog or cat on the cover.
4. If it is set in Ireland.
5. If it was praised by my friend Lily.
6. If it has a blurb from Anita Shreve.
7. If it is about Jane Eyre’s daughter, stepdaughter, cat, or gardener.
8. If it is fiction about Jane Austen’s’ personal life.
9. If it set in ancient Greece.
10. If it is in any way about contemporary politics in the U.S.