Thursday, December 2, 2010

Is There Such A Thing As A Worst Fear?


It's important to know that I am a coward. I have an extremely low threshold of fear. This is no exaggeration. Scooby Doo cartoons make me anxious. True. Five minutes in when the mysterious phantom of The Old Mill first appears I have already thought about changing the channel three times. Then by the time those pesky kids are about to pull the mask off of the mysterious phantom and reveal that it is really Innkeeper Jones and that he was able to walk through walls using an overhead projector, paint cans and soft cheeses I am whimpering in terror and distress.

There is a solution to my Scooby scares and I didn't need a woman's magazine to discover it. Yea me! I simply do not watch Scooby Doo any more. Gave it up. Cold turkey. I do still miss Freddie and his ascot from time to time but this was all for the greater good, right?

Sometimes I have to risk the scare because I cannot resist the lure of a movie or television show. Two good examples are The Two Towers and The Return of the King movies from The Lord Of The Rings trilogy. I had to see them because the previews looked too wonderful. What's frightening there you might ask. Golem. I had never read the books and knew nothing about them other than that we sold a lot of them and that they were kept in the fantasy section in the store. When I went to see The Fellowship of the Ring I was completely unprepared. After we saw our first glimpse of Golem I remember grabbing friend A's hand and asking her what the hell was that. She laughed and told me that there would be more of that later. She of course was right and I kept sleeping with the lights on.

About two years ago I miraculously found the courage to sleep with my bedroom light off. I know. Setting aside my advanced age in terms of night lights (This by the way was no nightlight. It was the lamp on my nightstand.) I was sort of proud of myself for being able to turn the switch. To lie down and close my eyes in total darkness. How did this happen? I have no idea. Maybe I turned more green than yellow. Anyway this happy to be me time was short lived because now the light is back on and this time it's my own damn fault.

I have been watching AMC's The Walking Dead. Oh in God's name why did I do this???? I knew what it would do to me. I knew that this would mean the end of self-esteem and smaller electric bills. I knew that by tuning in to a TV show centered around zombies that any courage I had found would be gone. I had to see it. Their other original programs have been so good and I do have a predisposition to post apocalyptic storylines---I was a goner. The Walking Dead has been excellent. Once again I know nothing of the original source material so I can't compare it to that and I have no idea where it's all going to end up.

In the name of self preservation I do not watch it when the new episodes air on Sunday nights at ten o'clock. That would be total sleep suicide and not an option. So I tape it (I know. I still use a VCR. How quaint.) and watch it later during the daytime. As any coward knows when you expose yourself to scary material between the times of 7 a.m. and 4 p.m. the sun acts as a dismay disinfectant and your ability to frighten yourself during daylight hours disappears. True. There are studies I could site. However the sun's awesome powers fade away after dark.

The episode two weeks ago when part of the survivors go back to Atlanta to get the guns and find Merle was when I experienced my single most embarrassing moment of cowardice to date---and that is saying a lot my friend. As Glenn is working his way toward the bag of guns in the street and a seemingly dead zombie in a car suddenly opens his eyes and sees him I had to turn the television off immediately and turn on the Christmas music station on the radio. I did eventually finish watching that episode but not until the next day.

~~Sigh~~ And so I sleep once again with the light on. Will I be able to turn the light off after this season's final episode of The Walking Dead next week? No. Will that light still be on when season number two rolls around? Yes. Will I still watch? Yes.

Oh well.


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